When Is It Time?

A few days ago, I brought my Dalmation, Brandy, to the vet as her mouth was bothering her. I figured it was an impacted or broken tooth. To my shock and dismay, the vet diagnosed Brandy with an inoperable tumor located on the roof of her mouth and back of her throat.

We could try Chemo - but it will not eliminate the tumor - only shrink it if we are lucky. The side effects of Chemo sound worse than the tumor itself - and with Brandy already being an elder dog, I opted not to put her through it.

Brandy was sent home with anti-biotics and some very strong anti-inflammatories to see if the tumor would shrink and perhaps, Brandy could remain with us for awhile longer.

Unfortunately - Her mouth is the same - if not worse. She is gagging constantly from the pressure of the tumor against her throat..and now we are faced with the decision that no dog owner ever wants to make.

I have never had to make this decision before - and eventhough I know it is the humane course of action, am finding it impossible to pick up the phone to make an appointment for the death of my beloved Brandy. Our only other dog to pass was Bailey, another Elder Animal Refuge League resident. Bailey died in his sleep at age 16-17 - which was a shock at the time, but easier than the decision I am faced with now.

We have only had Brandy for about 4 years.

She had been turned over by her former owner who had lost her home and was living with her mother - Brandy was not welcomed into the new living situation.

I monitored the shelter's website for over a month - and watched Brandy sit and wait to be adopted. One day - I could not stand to see her shelter picture another moment - so I drove over to adopt her.

She was fairly old when we took her home from the Animal Refuge League...somewhere around 8 - 9. She was incredibly overweight - poor thing could barely walk when she came home with us. It took some time before she was limber enough to walk up the stairs to our bedroom.

Within a year she had lost about 30 lbs. She has skin rolls where her fat once was...

Brandy has been a wonderful dog. Even being older - she played with the other dogs in our home and always greeted with a wag of the tail.

Brandy is a barker - she will always let you know when she deserves a treat or wants to go out. She also speaks to us through a language of grunts and groans (groans of pleasure when her belly is rubbed)

She has always been good about staying near the home - unless it happens to be garbage day...One of our neighbors was throwing leftover meals into his garden for awhile (don't ask me why) and Brandy would disappear every day to have a garden feast. We would find her in the garden chowing down - butt in the air...tail wagging...LOL

In four years we have been through much with her medically. She had neck surgery when her vertabrea became so calcified that two were pinching her spinal chord - making her unable to walk. She almost died from the operation as she was unable to wake from the anesthesia. When the vet called to tell me Brandy may not wake up - I told her to stick a chicken breast under her nose:) Brandy did wake up and she was able to walk 100% better than she ever had.

And then there was the bloat incident last year - another huge scare. I thought for sure this was it. On the way to the Emergency Clinic I considered not doing the surgery and letting Brandy go. She had aged significantly, had been having bladder control issues, and I almost convinced myself that it was her time. Much to my surprise -- when the ER Vet asked me if I wanted to approve the surgery for Brandy - "Yes" popped out of my mouth. He looked at me as if I had two heads...Warning me that the anesthesia alone might kill her.

What do you know - Brandy pulled through again...and has not had a single accident in the house since the surgery. Her bloodwork is 100% normal - better than it has ever been...

Brandy is my second dog. She has a special place in my heart. She sleeps with me every night. We have been all over the country together. She thinks she is a lap dog and crawls into my lap, especially when she is not feeling well. She cannot get close enough to me - I often wake up with one foot on the floor and Brandy pushing to get even closer.

She sleeps with the cats - unless someone is looking - then she barks at them to get out of her space.

Here we are...Brandy is out of options...she is in pain and I have to call the vet...I have to decide to end the life of my loyal friend. Logically - I know it needs to be done ASAP. My emotional side as not caught up with my logical side.

I will miss you Brandy. I probably will not be able to sleep without you taking up the bed and protecting my back.

CDL